Most days I try to be in the real world with a happy, positive attitude. I want that. I get that the majority of the time. Mostly, I radiate that I think. In these days, these pretty moments, the image of my daddy slips away- blurry lines form. I don't remember so clearly, it doesn't cross my mind so much, I can't picture the days when he was around. But sometimes, some days the missing just sneaks right up on me. Guilt. Clarity of who he is- sharp lines forming so that I can remember him picture perfectly. His voice so clear in my ears. The intenseness of missing in my heart. Theres two places. But in reality, three places. Those two and then the space in between. The place where both are present, just simply there and I can recall it in just the right amount of dosage.
Its tricky to live life without a moment passing that you TRY not.to.think. To just be, without the reminders or the distractions. Most days, though, it works. I can do it. And others, its just.too.much. Too big. Beyond my realm of thinking. Those are the days where there is that needle-sharp, heart hurting, breath stealing, eye tearing, mind boggling type of missing. A missing far beyond my reach to fix. It is just simply there. A thick cloud hanging over me.
Today. Its that day. I miss you. Immensly. My heart hurts and my breathing is slow because I am trying to control it. Trying to tell myself to untwist the knot that is in my chest which feels like a forgein object. Veterans Day. Hard Day. Proud Day. Thankful Day.
To you. To the man who taught me courage and hope. To the man who gave many years of his life for his family, friends and country. To the man who represented a true American Soldier. To the man who was flawed and still amazing. To the man who left too soon. To the man who gave me so much more after he left us. To you. I. am. forever. thankful. Forever. grateful.
I. Love. You. Endlessly.
